Non-Braking News 3/3/13
Our weekly roundup of top stories begins with:
Some conservatives complained when Michelle Obama crashed the Academy Awards ceremony. I think it's perfectly natural considering she won an Academy Award for Best Visual Defects.
A terrible accident at the Daytona 500 caused 33 people to be injured. A participant at the tailgate party ran out of propane for his barbecue and mistakenly filled it with auto fuel. The explosion was heralded as the world's first redneck particle accelerator.
The elderly are having more sex than ever, and as a result the C.D.C. says they are getting more S.T.D's. It may be hard to believe, but old people are as reckless having sex as they are driving.
Ca. may require a prison to hire a Wiccan (pagan priest) for two witches that are incarcerated there. Between the Muslim and witch converts taking place in their prisons they should be called incorrectional facilities.
Maxine Waters said the sequester could cost 170 million jobs. That certainly would be devastating in a economy that has only about 140 million jobs. She has received criticism over her lack of economic wisdom, but she can add to the deficit, multiply the debt, and divide the races. That's how Maxine does finance.
Recently President Obama declared "I'm not a dictator." I prefer to think of him as the first Negro Nero who fiddles with his golf clubs while America burns. That's our top stories of the week roundup.
Non-Braking News: All the news that won't slow you down
Non-Braking News 1/13/13
Our weekly roundup of top stories begins with:
Cash has been withdrawn on EBT cards at strip clubs in violation of the law. Using tax dollars for lap dances must be some new government stimulus plan. Instead of cash for caulkers it's called cash for gawkers.
A 90 year old Saudi married a 15 year old girl. I guess the bridal registry was at Toys R Us.
Piers Morgan mocked the U.S. constitution, and called it "your little book. He forgot to mention "his little book" called the Communist Manifesto.
The U.S. is considering a trillion dollar coin. Unfortunately it will cost a quadrillion dollars to mint it making it worth less than a penny.
President Obama is considering Jack Lew as Treasury Secretary. Jack lost millions when he worked for Citibank, and some consider the President's decision sheer Lewnacy.
There is a new cable television program called "All My Babies Mama's" featuring a rapper, his 11 children, and ten wives. Apparently the only way to get people off welfare and food stamps is to give them their own T.V. show. You can expect 46.7 million new ones next season. That rounds our top stories of the week.
Non-Braking News: All the news that won't slow you down.
War and Peace
Rep. Dennis Kucinich renewed his call for a Federal Dept. of Peace. It will be located next door to the Dept. of Drone Technology which targets alleged terrorists, and innocent bystanders. It is opposite the Dept. of Gun Running which targets Mexican civilians, and occasionally Border Patrol agents. Down the hall is the Dept. of Kinetic Military Action which assists countries like Pakistan, Yemen, Somalia, Syria, and Uganda with high tech weapons to quash unrest in their countries. Overseeing it all will be a President who won the Nobel Peace Prize. If that's a formula for success than πr² (Pi r squared) calculates the area of a triangle.
Give peace a chance, or lung cancer.
Weasels rip my flesh
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| Euro gonna get yours boy! |
On 8/10 it was revealed that France would retain it's AAA rating. This angers me considering the U.S. was downgraded to AA+ status. I guess the rating agencies forgot that France received a loan from the U.S. during World War 1, and defaulted on it. Them Frenchies have a lot of DeGaulle weaseling out of their debts.
- @johnhawkinsrwn
When Joe Biden accidentally had butt plugs implanted in his skull instead of hair plugs he bought a new #AssHat2013/05/21 19:12 by web - @9746LAK
She should get that vaccination to prevent old age that death row criminals get.2013/05/21 19:33 by web - @texasmcmanus
@CelesteHerget @NBCDFW Nidal Hasan already received the death penalty. He'll be dead of old age before the trial starts.2013/05/21 19:28 by web - @middlemom
Vermont uses lethal injection, and it is about as dignified as killing a criminal on death row. Minus that special last meal.2013/05/21 19:18 by web - @keder
Sheldon Whitehouse: NASCAR causes tornadoes by driving in circles.2013/05/21 15:49 by web
