The incredible shrinking passenger
On October 22 I had the honor of performing nude at Chicago's O'hare airport. While I generally use a pole for my routine this time I used the backscatter scanning system at the security checkpoint. For the pleasure of one T.S.A. agent my nude form was as visible as a private lap dance at a so called "Gentleman's Club". Needless to say they were unimpressed as I found no dollars inserted in my waistband. I am told this information is private and treated discreetly, but I just found out my image was posted on the internet. I haven't had a date since then. Now the TSA has decided that these type of scanners will be removed due to privacy issues. Anyway, if you see my picture on the internet I just want to assure you it was extremely cold that day.
Honey the shrinkage was caused by too much radiation.
Boxer Bombers
You may remember a post I wrote about Farouk Abdulmutalab a.k.a. the underwear bomber. Now it seems the terrorists have developed an updated version of exploding boxers that may not be detected by those fancy new body scanners. When I passed through JFK I wondered what good is it if they can see my genitals, but not a bomb? Is it merely a very expensive peep show with yours truly as the star? Then after my public humiliation I found out my iPad was stolen. I had planned on filing a complaint, but I decided not to. The TSA agent noticed I had a double hernia in my groin, and I figure he took it as a co-pay.
New TSA scanner at JFK
Sticky Fingers
All this time I thought the T.S.A. was searching passengers for weapons and bombs. Actually they were looking for valuables to steal according to a recent report. Some refer to this kind of activity as having "sticky fingers", and considering all the groping they perform on your privates you can understand why.
Damn, my hand is stuck again.
What’s up your butt?
There was a billboard with the question "What's up your butt" on it. I figured it was sponsored by one of those gay organizations or possibly a Preparation H advertisement. I recently found out it was for colon cancer awareness. Many people thought it was in bad taste and it was taken down. Now the T.S.A. has adopted it as their motto when you enter a secure area. Unfortunately their idea of a screening is even worse than a colonoscopy since they don't give you an anesthetic.
Smile your on booty camera
In October I had the honor of performing nude at Chicago's O'hare airport. While I generally use a pole for my routine this time I used the backscatter scanning system at the security checkpoint. For the pleasure of one T.S.A. agent my nude form was as visible as a private lapdance at a so called Gentleman's Club. Needless to say they were unimpressed as I found no dollars inserted into my waistband. I was told this information is private and handled discreetly although I heard a group of people yell "Wow that's some scar"! That old metal shop accident still haunts me to this day. I guess I shouldn't complain at least it's better than the agent who got teased so badly because of his small penis he assaulted his co-worker. Recently I found out my scanned image has been posted on the internet, and I want to you know it was very cold in Chicago that day. Rest assured I am all man.
Damn that slippery floor.
Beating a dead horse
Horses were being transported by an El Al cargo plane and arrived at Kennedy airport on Friday*. One of the them, a high value show horse was dead on arrival. There was concern since the flight originated from the Middle East as to whether he might have had explosives surgically implanted. The geniuses at the T.S.A. figured there was one way to find out.
 |
| Hold your ears fellas. |
Update: A necropsy (post-mortem exam on non-human) is being performed by the U.S. Dept. of Agriculture. They must be a bunch of jackasses because they thought it was a drug mule.
Hey buddy you got a light?
 |
| Olajide Olawaseun Noibi |
A man with a University of Michigan identification card was allowed to board a flight at JFK airport*. Since when is that considered proper ID? Maybe next time I fly I'll try using my Costco membership card and see what happens. In addition he had an expired boarding pass, but at least his Al Quada health plan card was still valid. Coincidentally this man is from Nigeria, and so was Farouk Abdul Mutallab the underwear bomber. He was the guy that should have had his boxers removed instead of forcing a 95 year old wheelchair bound woman with Leukemia to remove her diaper**. These TSA agent must be idiots. Even I get suspicious when somebody pulls down their pants, and says "hey buddy you got a light"?
*http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2009932/TSA-let-Nigerian-man-fly-New-York-LA-old-boarding-pass.html
**http://www.infowars.com/tsa-defends-forcing-elederly-leukemia-patient-to-remove-diaper/
- @stephenfhayes
@OCAmericans It ain't over till the fathead Secretary of State sings.2013/05/23 19:39 by web - @Ringo6
@Ledamaae Anthony Weiner: Hebrew National Embarrassment.2013/05/23 14:37 by web - "Death with dignity" is Euthanasia by lethal injection, and is as dignified as killing a death row inmate, minus that special last meal.2013/05/23 14:20 by web
- Biden: Boston bombers were "knock off Jihadi's." They did a better imitation of Jihad, than Biden's imitation of an intelligent life form.2013/05/23 14:09 by web
- Islamists behead English cop? Good thing they weren't radical Christians, they might have given him a Jesus Saves button.2013/05/23 11:35 by web
