The hunger games
President Obama renewed his vow to close Gitmo. In spite of his promise the camp received a $744,000. soccer field makeover last year, and in March 2013 the pentagon requested another 49 million dollars for improvements. That's like putting a new engine and transmission in a car and then dropping it off at the junkyard. This decision may be due in part to one hundred inmates who are participating in a hunger strike. If that's the case don't close Gitmo, sell it to weight watchers.
I lost 75 lbs. at the Gitmo branch of Weight Watchers. You can too.
Attack of the Killer Drones
Al Qaeda has developed some interesting techniques for avoiding drones. Some actually work like spreading a grass mat across the top of your car. From a distance it blends in with the landscape and camouflages their position. The only problem is once they step out of the car they are visible. My suggestion is that they should wear grass skirts like the Hawaiians. Mahalo Mogadishu. Another method was to stage mannequins and statues, but it was easy to spot the terrorists as those perverts couldn't resist using them as sex dolls. Ultimately the greatest weapon against detection would be to wear a camel costume. Fortunately with desert temperatures over 120 degrees we wouldn't need to use missiles to incinerate them.
What's that smell? Did you set off another bomb Ali?
War and Peace
Rep. Dennis Kucinich renewed his call for a Federal Dept. of Peace. It will be located next door to the Dept. of Drone Technology which targets alleged terrorists, and innocent bystanders. It is opposite the Dept. of Gun Running which targets Mexican civilians, and occasionally Border Patrol agents. Down the hall is the Dept. of Kinetic Military Action which assists countries like Pakistan, Yemen, Somalia, Syria, and Uganda with high tech weapons to quash unrest in their countries. Overseeing it all will be a President who won the Nobel Peace Prize. If that's a formula for success than πr² (Pi r squared) calculates the area of a triangle.
Give peace a chance, or lung cancer.
Sandy Porkenstein
In the wake of the destruction and loss of life caused by Hurricane Sandy the Federal government has put together an aid package of monstrous porkportions. A total of 60 billion dollars of which 41 million dollars goes to military bases including Gitmo. I guess the $750,000. soccer field needs upgrades to be able to hold the 2013 Terrorist Olympics. It will be the only event where attendees will be searched for explosives, and if they aren't wearing any won't be allowed to enter. There is 150 million dollars targeted for Alaska fisheries. It seems to me fishes wouldn't be bothered by hurricanes unless they were blown off the display stand at the fish market. There is 4 million dollars for the Kennedy Space Center which is ironic since we hitch a ride with the Russians when we need to go to space. Maybe it should be renamed the Kruschev Space Center. The money could be for the astronomical interest we're paying on our Russian Express Card, but "we don't leave earth without it." Rahm Emanuel summed up the situation nicely when he said "never let a crisis go to waste" just taxpayer dollars.
What do you mean the card is maxed out, and I'm not going home?
The stench of defeat
There is a new perfume being sold in Gaza called M75. It is named after the rockets the Palestinians have been shooting into Israel, and sales have gone through the roof. No surprise since it's the perfect addition to any stinking terrorists arsenal. The Iron Dome has destroyed most of these incoming missiles, but it does not protect against rock throwing. Einstein said something about a future war being fought with "sticks and stones." The Israeli's say sticks and stones may brake my bones, but tanks crush the opposition. No perfume can eliminate the stench of defeat.
Rage against the machine
I’d walk a mile for a camel
Wanted: Information leading to the whereabouts of Barack Obama. To collect your 10 camel reward contact the militant group Al Shabaab in Somalia*. Well I guess Fuad Muhammad Khalaf doesn't have internet service or electricity for that matter because you can google the White House and discover the address is 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. NW Washington D.C. Khalaf is also offering a reward of 10 chickens and 10 roosters for the hideout of the squawking old hen known as Hillary Clinton. Apparently terrorists believe every one lives in caves, raises their own chickens, and use beasts of burden as their primary mode of transportation. I remember the saying "I'd walk a mile for a camel" but to claim your reward you'd have to walk 8,634 miles. Not such a good deal especially when you consider we offered 25 million dollars for information on Osama Bin Laden. His address was not available on google, but his uploads are still available on Youtube. Sort of a Middle East version of America's Funniest Home Video's.
The camel and cave of the President of the United States
*http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/06/11/al-shabaab-obama-bounty_n_1587729.html
The Big Mac Murders
There is a serial killer on the loose who has taken the lives of thousands of Americans. The Police and F.B.I. haven't been able to come up with one suspect, but Michael Moore has identified the perpetrator as McDonalds. He even claimed they murdered more people than the 911 terrorists. Wow, that's a lot of bullshit coming from one lard ass. Imagine an obese person complaining about fat people eating Big Macs and fries. That's like O.J. complaining about domestic abuse. Michael Moore may be successful, but he has an inferiority complex. He had to cancel filming a movie in Alaska recently because the Eskimos kept trying to club him.
Moore fat than a Big Mac.
Hat trick
The ex-Afghan president was killed by a suicide bomber in Khabul on Tuesday when a Taliban peace envoy impersonator was able to gain access to his home and detonate a bomb under his turban*. It's interesting to note that we had the shoe bomber who failed, then we had the underwear bomber who failed, and finally the turban bomber who succeeded. Well it's about time terrorists have finally started using their heads for something useful, other than wearing soiled diapers.
Abdullah the exploding Medulla
Blame whitey
 |
| Alleged Oslo terrorist** |
The Dept. of Homeland Security has spent 10 million dollars creating a video called "See something, say something"*. The weird thing is that in every instance the terrorist is a whitey reported by either a Black, Asian, or Arab. I hate to admit it, but they might be right. That is if their job was to protect Norway.
*http://www.infowars.com/dhs-video-characterizes-white-americans-as-most-likely-terrorists/
**http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2017851/Norway-attacks-gunman-Anders-Behring-Breivik-right-wing-extremist-hated-Muslims.html
- @PolarCoug
Obama's second favorite bed linens. Egyptian Shiites2013/05/17 22:19 by web - @RCannon74
@ComradeArthur Render unto Caesar the things that are Caesars, and send the IRS a freaking salad.2013/05/17 22:27 by web - @BobG231
Now if we could only get Obamabots to work here.2013/05/17 22:12 by web - I've just been audited by the I.R.S. for conduct unbecoming a taxpayer. #RegisteredRepublican2013/05/17 15:54 by web
- Noah preached about a flood, and built an ark. Al Gore pontificated about rising sea levels and built an ocean view mansion. #Dumbass2013/05/17 15:58 by web
