Our weekly roundup of top stories begins with:
N.Y. Mayor Bloomberg wants to ban smoking in all private residences. I guess every apartment will be required to have a new cigarette smoke detector installed.
The proposed 60 billion dollar aide package for Hurricane Sandy includes 150 million dollars for Alaska fisheries. Why? I guess their schools were damaged by the storm.
Wayne LaPierre of the N.R.A. said 'The Only Thing That Stops a Bad Guy With a Gun Is a Good Guy With a Gun' I say the only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a liberal with a sign.
A Federal employee was given a formal reprimand due to excessive flatulence. Apparently blowing hot air is reserved for politicians only.
John Boehner says he is not ready to give up smoking so perhaps he should wear the patch. Since the fiscal cliff is similar to walking the plank so he might as well look like a pirate.
The President is on a long deserved vacation in Hawaii. There are rumors the secret service tackled a waiter who asked the President "hey, about a nice Hawaiian Punch?" That rounds our top stories of the week.
Non-Braking News: All the news that won't slow you down.
Rep. Dennis Kucinich renewed his call for a Federal Dept. of Peace. It will be located next door to the Dept. of Drone Technology which targets alleged terrorists, and innocent bystanders. It is opposite the Dept. of Gun Running which targets Mexican civilians, and occasionally Border Patrol agents. Down the hall is the Dept. of Kinetic Military Action which assists countries like Pakistan, Yemen, Somalia, Syria, and Uganda with high tech weapons to quash unrest in their countries. Overseeing it all will be a President who won the Nobel Peace Prize. If that's a formula for success than πr² (Pi r squared) calculates the area of a triangle.
|Looks like this pole is
being over taxed.
Governor Rick Perry of Texas has signed some new laws into effect*. One is that it is legal to shoot feral hogs from helicopters. Michael Moore immediately filed a lawsuit citing the hazard to his health. They also raised the state speed limit to 85 m.p.h. Since there are lots of highways near the border there is no way the illegals are making it across without being pulverized into Tex-Mex road chile. This sounds more like a policy to reduce immigration if you ask me. A really rotten law is if you plan on visiting a strip club you will have to pay a $5.00 tax. Some have referred to it as a pole tax, but I prefer to call it an uncover charge.