Lisa Sparxxx is the worlds recordholder for having sex with 919 men in one day*. She should probably also be awarded the Guinness World Record for the most strains of sexually transmitted diseases, but that is just my opinion. What is amazing is that sperm banks don't get that many donors in a week. It brings to mind what Willy Shakes once said. "Be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust into them"**.
**Paraphrased from Twelfth Night by William Shakespeare (Act II Scene 5).
***Hamlet (Act III. Scene 1)
Facebook has an access denied sex strike page, and women are threatening to go celibate if the government won't provide them access to (pay for) birth control. As a result men will only be able to have sex with successful, rich woman. A terrible development if I do say so myself. If there is a strike scabs will continue to provide this vital service. It's a dirty job, but like removing garbage someone has to do it. Normal sex is a private, personal activity that the government has no business in, otherwise the Dept. of Energy will require manufacturers to develop a "green" condom. It will have to be recyclable, energy efficient, bio-degradable, and cost 50 bucks a pop like that idiotic new light bulb. Let's just hope we can get the women back to the bargaining table before their factories get cobwebs.
A Georgia law student recently told Capital Hill policy makers that health insurance should cover contraception because "her peers are going broke buying birth control". I can sympathize with those who can't afford a condom, except when they are attending a top ten ivy league university. These pitifully poor female students claim it costs them $1,000. a year to have sex. Have they ever considered asking the scumbags they are having sex with to provide a condom? In my day dinner and a movie were the minimum requirements, and even then getting to first base was harder than getting a hit off Yankee pitcher Mariano Rivera. Even the raunchy comedian Andrew Dice Clay was willing to splurge a few bucks before he used his date as a "Plastic Phuck Doll". Apparently these students allow themselves to be treated like sperm banks, and their depositors aren't considerate enough to drop a couple of shekels for a few millimeters of latex. Even the Greeks gave their enemies the Spartans a Trojan for goodness sake! Leave it to a lawyer to screw innocent people by forcing them to pay for her to have sex.
|Hey, we had an oral agreement..|
A judge has ordered a Frenchman to pay his wife 10,000 Euros compensation for his failure to provide her with adequate sex*. Well I'm confused. If a man pays a woman to have sex with him it is illegal, but if he doesn't have sex with his wife it's illegal, and he has to pay her. According to this line of reasoning the only difference is that a wife is a documented prostitute, and the prostitute is an undocumented wife. Our country seems to be very lenient towards undocumented individuals lately, so maybe we should give them a break. Like Charlie Sheen says "Don't report them, support them"!**
Update: I am filing a class action lawsuit on behalf of all the men who have been denied adequate sex from their wives. The law office of Yank, Pullim, and Jerkem will be handling the case.
** Charlie never said it, but I'm sure he thought it.
|What ever happened to the long arm
of the law?
A New Mexico state trooper was unknowingly photographed having sex with a woman on the hood of her car*. He had pulled her over for having a suspended panty, and then engaged in what appears to be improper use of a vehicle. His trusty K9 chihuahua helped to subdue the suspect and stood guard to prevent her escape. The officer then gave her a ticket for a mechanical defect due to a leaky rear end, and left the scene of the grime.
Update: The officer in the picture was fired**. He
was a recipient of a "Challenge Coin" an award for going above and beyond the call of duty. Perhaps he was saving her life from a vaginal itch that was killing her.
A prisoner is suing the jail for 50 million dollars for calling him an inmate. He is upset because it implies he is mating with other prisoners. Mating is defined as pairing of the opposite sex so I don't understand what his beef is. If he doesn't like the opposite sex he should drop the soap a little more often.