In the wake of the destruction and loss of life caused by Hurricane Sandy the Federal government has put together an aid package of monstrous porkportions. A total of 60 billion dollars of which 41 million dollars goes to military bases including Gitmo. I guess the $750,000. soccer field needs upgrades to be able to hold the 2013 Terrorist Olympics. It will be the only event where attendees will be searched for explosives, and if they aren't wearing any won't be allowed to enter. There is 150 million dollars targeted for Alaska fisheries. It seems to me fishes wouldn't be bothered by hurricanes unless they were blown off the display stand at the fish market. There is 4 million dollars for the Kennedy Space Center which is ironic since we hitch a ride with the Russians when we need to go to space. Maybe it should be renamed the Kruschev Space Center. The money could be for the astronomical interest we're paying on our Russian Express Card, but "we don't leave earth without it." Rahm Emanuel summed up the situation nicely when he said "never let a crisis go to waste" just taxpayer dollars.
A N.A.S.A. intern and two of his friends wrote a paper claiming aliens would kill us if we don't reduce our carbon emissions. While the report was circulating a U.F.O. appeared in China, possibly because they are the worst polluter on the face of the planet. As it turns out the little green men just stopped to get some takeout moo goo gai pan. They had no choice since a trillion light years is outside the delivery area.