Non-Braking News 1/20/13
Our weekly roundup of top stories begins with:
New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg wants to reduce the amount of pain medication administered in hospitals. Women in the maternity ward are screaming for joy.
Iran is planning on sending a monkey into space. There is no word at this time as to who will be running the country.
The Huffington Post had an article claiming George Washington was just like the prophet Muhammad. Well Muhammad cut off limbs, and George cut down a tree. Yep, exactly alike.
A powerful business lobby is pushing for 70 year old eligibility for social security and medicare. On the other hand people who refuse to work for 70 years will have no eligibility restrictions.
Politifact awarded the lie of the year award to a statement by Mitt Romney concerning Jeep, and now we find out that it is in fact true. In other news we found out that the liar of the past four years is still a liar.
The T.S.A. will remove those nude image scanners at airports. Now the agents will have to surf the net for nudity like everyone else.
Governor Andrew Cuomo passed strict new gun restrictions for New York residents. Forgetting to exclude law enforcement means it was either a knee jerk reaction, or the left needed a jerk to react. In either case it's mission accomplished. That rounds our top stories of the week.
Non-Braking News: All the news that won't slow you down.
Non-Braking News 12/23/12
Our weekly roundup of top stories begins with:
N.Y. Mayor Bloomberg wants to ban smoking in all private residences. I guess every apartment will be required to have a new cigarette smoke detector installed.
The proposed 60 billion dollar aide package for Hurricane Sandy includes 150 million dollars for Alaska fisheries. Why? I guess their schools were damaged by the storm.
Wayne LaPierre of the N.R.A. said 'The Only Thing That Stops a Bad Guy With a Gun Is a Good Guy With a Gun' I say the only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a liberal with a sign.
A Federal employee was given a formal reprimand due to excessive flatulence. Apparently blowing hot air is reserved for politicians only.
John Boehner says he is not ready to give up smoking so perhaps he should wear the patch. Since the fiscal cliff is similar to walking the plank so he might as well look like a pirate.
The President is on a long deserved vacation in Hawaii. There are rumors the secret service tackled a waiter who asked the President "hey, about a nice Hawaiian Punch?" That rounds our top stories of the week.
Non-Braking News: All the news that won't slow you down.
Smoke detectors
Nanny Bloomberg is at it again. This time he wants to ban you from smoking in your own apartment, but how could he restrict your behavior in the privacy of your own home? Will he allow a warrant-less search of your premises, pass laws requiring cigarette smoke detectors, or train canines to smell burning tobacco? Will swat teams be permitted to make the mistake of busting through your door with guns drawn if you are smoking a brisket? Can your landlord evict you if you burn incense? What happens if you leave the casserole in the oven too long? Bloomingidiot would love to round the violators up, and deport them to China. He figures it's high time we outsourced our pollution rather than our jobs.
In my kingdom the only thing that will be smoking are hot babes.
Weekend warriors
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| It's okay, he's flatter than a pancake, but there's no bullet wounds. |
In N.Y.C. this past Labor Day weekend there were 67 people shot resulting in 10 deaths*. Which goes to prove that our idiot gangsta's can't shoot for shit, especially while their pants are falling down. Since everyone knows it is safer to be a moving target the morons in City Hall decided to to combat gun violence with new bike lanes. This way they figure you could pedal your ass off to dodge the hale of bullets. Now if they could only prevent the trucks from running us over it would really reduce the mortality rate.
*http://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local/Labor-Day-Violence-New-York-City-shootings-129268118.html
- @johnhawkinsrwn
When Joe Biden accidentally had butt plugs implanted in his skull instead of hair plugs he bought a new #AssHat2013/05/21 19:12 by web - @9746LAK
She should get that vaccination to prevent old age that death row criminals get.2013/05/21 19:33 by web - @texasmcmanus
@CelesteHerget @NBCDFW Nidal Hasan already received the death penalty. He'll be dead of old age before the trial starts.2013/05/21 19:28 by web - @middlemom
Vermont uses lethal injection, and it is about as dignified as killing a criminal on death row. Minus that special last meal.2013/05/21 19:18 by web - @keder
Sheldon Whitehouse: NASCAR causes tornadoes by driving in circles.2013/05/21 15:49 by web
