Our weekly roundup of top stories begins with:
New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg wants to reduce the amount of pain medication administered in hospitals. Women in the maternity ward are screaming for joy.
Iran is planning on sending a monkey into space. There is no word at this time as to who will be running the country.
The Huffington Post had an article claiming George Washington was just like the prophet Muhammad. Well Muhammad cut off limbs, and George cut down a tree. Yep, exactly alike.
A powerful business lobby is pushing for 70 year old eligibility for social security and medicare. On the other hand people who refuse to work for 70 years will have no eligibility restrictions.
Politifact awarded the lie of the year award to a statement by Mitt Romney concerning Jeep, and now we find out that it is in fact true. In other news we found out that the liar of the past four years is still a liar.
The T.S.A. will remove those nude image scanners at airports. Now the agents will have to surf the net for nudity like everyone else.
Governor Andrew Cuomo passed strict new gun restrictions for New York residents. Forgetting to exclude law enforcement means it was either a knee jerk reaction, or the left needed a jerk to react. In either case it's mission accomplished. That rounds our top stories of the week.
Non-Braking News: All the news that won't slow you down.
Detroit may be The Motor City, but Chicago is The Murder City. Not only is the city famous for their deep dish pizza, but also for giving their inhabitants the deep six. Chicago had it's 500th murder of the year, and Mayor Rahm Emanuel had the gall to weigh in on gun control in the wake of the Newtown shooting. That's like a tribal leader in Afghanistan giving advice on how to reduce violent crime. Now I know why they call it the windy city, it's the air turbulence caused by projectiles whizzing by. When you visit remember to bring your Kevlar umbrella, it's the only city that rains bullets.
Rep. Dennis Kucinich renewed his call for a Federal Dept. of Peace. It will be located next door to the Dept. of Drone Technology which targets alleged terrorists, and innocent bystanders. It is opposite the Dept. of Gun Running which targets Mexican civilians, and occasionally Border Patrol agents. Down the hall is the Dept. of Kinetic Military Action which assists countries like Pakistan, Yemen, Somalia, Syria, and Uganda with high tech weapons to quash unrest in their countries. Overseeing it all will be a President who won the Nobel Peace Prize. If that's a formula for success than πr² (Pi r squared) calculates the area of a triangle.
Walk through any park and you will see lovers holding hands and kissing. Me I'm thinking a murder suicide waiting to happen. You can relate to that can't you? C'mon how many of us haven't broken up with lovers who would rather see us buried up to our neck in fire ants, or hurtling headlong into the grand canyon. The fact is most violent murders and assaults occur between people in love. Remember Lorena Bobbit? She cut off her husbands penis and threw it out the car window. Nearly hit me while I was waiting for the bus. Ugh! How about the village butcher? He cut up his girlfriend and made soup out of her. Won an award for the recipe I'm told. Yes there is a thin line between love and hate. Not only is it thin, it is about as strong as wet toilet paper. Throw a life insurance policy in the mix and they'll be dead before the ink dries. Lots of people ask me "why does love start out so good and end so bad"? Well how do I know, I'm not a psychologist. Love stinks just like the song says.