Our weekly roundup of top stories begins with:
Some conservatives complained when Michelle Obama crashed the Academy Awards ceremony. I think it's perfectly natural considering she won an Academy Award for Best Visual Defects.
A terrible accident at the Daytona 500 caused 33 people to be injured. A participant at the tailgate party ran out of propane for his barbecue and mistakenly filled it with auto fuel. The explosion was heralded as the world's first redneck particle accelerator.
The elderly are having more sex than ever, and as a result the C.D.C. says they are getting more S.T.D's. It may be hard to believe, but old people are as reckless having sex as they are driving.
Ca. may require a prison to hire a Wiccan (pagan priest) for two witches that are incarcerated there. Between the Muslim and witch converts taking place in their prisons they should be called incorrectional facilities.
Maxine Waters said the sequester could cost 170 million jobs. That certainly would be devastating in a economy that has only about 140 million jobs. She has received criticism over her lack of economic wisdom, but she can add to the deficit, multiply the debt, and divide the races. That's how Maxine does finance.
Recently President Obama declared "I'm not a dictator." I prefer to think of him as the first Negro Nero who fiddles with his golf clubs while America burns. That's our top stories of the week roundup.
Non-Braking News: All the news that won't slow you down
It is hard to imagine how the culture that brought us mathematics could not balance it's own checkbook. The result is that after years of profligate spending the Greeks have found themselves in a hole. No not that one, I was not referring to the sex act named after them. Perhaps that is why they use so much olive oil. Anyway I remember reading that once towering intellects like Socrates, Aristotle, and Plato were common amongst their people, but now their citizens are moronic, maniacal, anarchists who burn banks and riot in the streets. The Trojan horse led to a famous expression "beware of Greeks bearing gifts". Thanks to the bailout by the European Union, and International Monetary Fund that saying has changed to "gift bearing nations get Greeked".