Non-Braking News 1/13/13
Our weekly roundup of top stories begins with:
Cash has been withdrawn on EBT cards at strip clubs in violation of the law. Using tax dollars for lap dances must be some new government stimulus plan. Instead of cash for caulkers it's called cash for gawkers.
A 90 year old Saudi married a 15 year old girl. I guess the bridal registry was at Toys R Us.
Piers Morgan mocked the U.S. constitution, and called it "your little book. He forgot to mention "his little book" called the Communist Manifesto.
The U.S. is considering a trillion dollar coin. Unfortunately it will cost a quadrillion dollars to mint it making it worth less than a penny.
President Obama is considering Jack Lew as Treasury Secretary. Jack lost millions when he worked for Citibank, and some consider the President's decision sheer Lewnacy.
There is a new cable television program called "All My Babies Mama's" featuring a rapper, his 11 children, and ten wives. Apparently the only way to get people off welfare and food stamps is to give them their own T.V. show. You can expect 46.7 million new ones next season. That rounds our top stories of the week.
Non-Braking News: All the news that won't slow you down.
The coffee club
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| I'll take extra milk with mine. |
Toby, over at real dumb news broke the story of a shop in Washington called Java Jugs where you get a lap dance along with your coffee*. Finally there is justification for those ridiculously overpriced cappucinos. Unfortunately the police have been cracking down on this lewd behavior, but I believe it is protected by the Declaration of Independence. I recall the lines "We hold these truths to be self evident...they are (well) endowed by their creator with certain inalienable rights...(especially) the pursuit of (my) happiness". In fact there is no better way to wake up than with a hot cup of Joe and a pair of giant headlights beaming in your face. Now I know why deer freeze.
Headlights is a euphemism for female breasts.
- @Ringo6
@Ledamaae Anthony Weiner: Hebrew National Embarrassment.2013/05/23 14:37 by web - "Death with dignity" is Euthanasia by lethal injection, and is as dignified as killing a death row inmate, minus that special last meal.2013/05/23 14:20 by web
- Biden: Boston bombers were "knock off Jihadi's." They did a better imitation of Jihad, than Biden's imitation of an intelligent life form.2013/05/23 14:09 by web
- Islamists behead English cop? Good thing they weren't radical Christians, they might have given him a Jesus Saves button.2013/05/23 11:35 by web
- @johnhawkinsrwn
When Joe Biden accidentally had butt plugs implanted in his skull instead of hair plugs he bought a new #AssHat2013/05/21 19:12 by web
