The Federal Atmospheric Recovery Tax
Everyone has heard of Anthropomorphic or man made Global Warming, but have you heard of livestock made global warming? I am told the farting, and belching of livestock is a big contributor to greenhouse gases (no pun intended). The government in it's infinite wisdom proposed legislation to tax the emissions of these bovine gas bags*. This tax was estimated to cost $175. per dairy cow, but it was rejected after owners threatened to alter livestock diet with BEANO to avoid the fee. Well what about senior citizens? Older people seem to pass more gas as they age so how about charging them a tax for their contribution to global warming. Proponents have suggested initiating the Federal Atmospheric Recovery Tax commonly known as F.A.R.T. The E.P.A. would set limits, and charges similar to taxing carbon emissions. Several methods of measuring flatus output have been suggested. Government Motors (G.M.) developed a specialized gas gauge, but you would charged for emptying your tank instead of filling it. This was unacceptable as the economically challenged would be walking around with stomach pains all day. The taxi and limousine commission suggested a meter like they have in cabs. You would pay 2.50 for the first fart, .25 for each additional fart, with no charge for the waiting time in between farts. This was voted down as taxi passengers would complain of double billing. The bridge and tunnel authority suggested a system like E-Z pass called E-Z gass. A radio frequency tag would measure each discharge like a car passing the toll plaza and electronically deduct money from your account. Already there has been religious opposition as to how and where the tag would be mounted. Of course I am being facetious, but with a 15 trillion dollar debt this congress will be forced to tax us to death or until they have sucked all the air out of us. They are currently considering the V.A.T. (Value Added Tax) it's possible the F.A.R.T. may not be far behind (pun intended).
I can't gore Al, but I can knock him scentsless
*http://westinstenv.org/news/2008/11/20/epa-proposes-cow-fart-tax/
Livestock Made Global Warming
We've all heard about A.G.W. (man made global warming), but did you know about L.M.G.W. (livestock made global warming)? I am told the farts and belching of livestock is a large contributor to greenhouse gasses (no pun intended). The government in it's infinite wisdom tried to tax the emissions of these bovine gas bags*. Unfortunately no one was brave enough to install the monitoring devices. Well how about senior citizens? Older people seem to pass more gas because their digestive systems slow down as they age. How about charging them a tax for their contribution to global warming? What would the tax be called? How about the Federal Asset Recovery Tax, known as F.A.R.T. The E.P.A. would set limits and charges similar to taxing carbon emissions. The question is how would it be measured? Several proposals have surfaced. A specialized gas gauge was developed, except you would be charged for emptying your tank not filling it. What about a meter like they have in cabs? You would pay 2.50 for the first fart, and .25 each additional fart (no charge for waiting time between farts). How about a system like EZ pass called EZ gas. An electronic device would register every fart and electronically deduct the money from your account. Yes I am being facetious, but with a 14 trillion dollar deficit and growing this congress will be forced to tax us to death or until they have sucked all the air out of us. Already they are considering the V.A.T. (Value Added Tax). Who knows the F.A.R.T. may not be far behind (pun intended).
*http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28070487/ns/us_news-environment/t/tax-cows-hogs-passing-gas-burping/
- @PolarCoug
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