Recovery Summer 4.0
The recession officially ended in June of 2009 and according to Washington we then experienced a "recovery summer." Usually things grow in the summer, but the only growth we've seen is in our deficits. Recently the GDP was 1.3%, 47 million people are on food stamps, and over 9% of student loans are in default. For men the labor participation rate is the lowest on record. I guess they'll be recovering on the beach all summer. Clever slogans do not change the fact that this economy is flatlining faster than Hugo Chavez. Even Elvis Presley experienced a better recovery.
I made 55 million last year, that's a real recovery.
Non-Braking News 1/20/13
Our weekly roundup of top stories begins with:
New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg wants to reduce the amount of pain medication administered in hospitals. Women in the maternity ward are screaming for joy.
Iran is planning on sending a monkey into space. There is no word at this time as to who will be running the country.
The Huffington Post had an article claiming George Washington was just like the prophet Muhammad. Well Muhammad cut off limbs, and George cut down a tree. Yep, exactly alike.
A powerful business lobby is pushing for 70 year old eligibility for social security and medicare. On the other hand people who refuse to work for 70 years will have no eligibility restrictions.
Politifact awarded the lie of the year award to a statement by Mitt Romney concerning Jeep, and now we find out that it is in fact true. In other news we found out that the liar of the past four years is still a liar.
The T.S.A. will remove those nude image scanners at airports. Now the agents will have to surf the net for nudity like everyone else.
Governor Andrew Cuomo passed strict new gun restrictions for New York residents. Forgetting to exclude law enforcement means it was either a knee jerk reaction, or the left needed a jerk to react. In either case it's mission accomplished. That rounds our top stories of the week.
Non-Braking News: All the news that won't slow you down.
Non-Braking News 1/13/13
Our weekly roundup of top stories begins with:
Cash has been withdrawn on EBT cards at strip clubs in violation of the law. Using tax dollars for lap dances must be some new government stimulus plan. Instead of cash for caulkers it's called cash for gawkers.
A 90 year old Saudi married a 15 year old girl. I guess the bridal registry was at Toys R Us.
Piers Morgan mocked the U.S. constitution, and called it "your little book. He forgot to mention "his little book" called the Communist Manifesto.
The U.S. is considering a trillion dollar coin. Unfortunately it will cost a quadrillion dollars to mint it making it worth less than a penny.
President Obama is considering Jack Lew as Treasury Secretary. Jack lost millions when he worked for Citibank, and some consider the President's decision sheer Lewnacy.
There is a new cable television program called "All My Babies Mama's" featuring a rapper, his 11 children, and ten wives. Apparently the only way to get people off welfare and food stamps is to give them their own T.V. show. You can expect 46.7 million new ones next season. That rounds our top stories of the week.
Non-Braking News: All the news that won't slow you down.
Sheer Lewnacy
Rumors are floating that the U.S. is considering minting a trillion dollar platinum coin. I knew vending machines were getting expensive, but this is ridiculous. This insanity is the result of a stalemate over attempts to raise the debt ceiling. I wonder why they even bother to call it a "ceiling" when it doesn't limit anything. Perhaps it should be called the debt skylight. You just open it to let pennies from heaven flow in to fill the coffers. In order to get around the fiscal restrainers the big spenders considered minting the trillion dollar coin, depositing it, and then withdrawing the cash to splurge on whores and windmills. It's a new twist on Economics 101. It's interesting to note that President Obama would like to appoint Jack Lew as Treasury Secretary even though Jack lost millions of dollars when he worked for Citibank. Worthless coins, and loser economic advisers prove that the asylum we call government is run by Lewnatics.
This coin is legal tender for all Banana Republicans.
Non-Braking News 1/6/13
Our weekly roundup of top stories begins with:
Hillary Clinton is now suffering from a blood clot. Doctor's are confused as to how it traveled from her ovaries to her brain.
James Carville said Hillary Clinton haters are "inhumane." Considering the way Democrats treated the last Republican President I guess you could say it's all Bush's fault.
David Gregory asked Obama "is this your Lincoln moment?" Did he imply Obama had a Booth reservation at Ford's Theater?
While going over the fiscal cliff Congress passed a bill that included lots of pork. So that's where they got that expression "we'll balance our budget when pigs can fly."
Al Gore sold Current TV to Al Jazeera. Snake oil salesman, and oil suppliers make good bed fellows.
Hugo Chavez is on his death bed. That means Hollywood will be flying their anti-American flags at half mast, and Sean Penn will be seeking treatment for depression. That rounds our top stories of the week.
Non-Braking News: All the news that won't slow you down.
Unintelligent By Design
Intelligent people frighten me. It's not because they use words I don't understand, but simply because they're dangerous. To paraphrase Thomas Sowell "stupid people cause little damage, it takes an ivy league genius to cause a catastrophe." Case in point the financial collapse of 2007. The most intelligent, respected leaders in government and the business sector didn't see it coming. It's like they were standing on the deck of the Titanic and when their pants got wet figured a toilet backed up. Science Czar John Holdren co-authored a book called Eco-science in the 70's and claimed an ice age was coming. Was he referring to the movie? He also predicted a 150 ft. tidal wave would hit the U.S. by 2000. I sold my beach house because of that jerk. John is also director of the Woods Hole research center although he is easily confused with another kind of hole. Cass Sunstein the White House officer of information and regulatory affairs said animals should be able to bring suit (sue humans). Talk about a kangaroo court. I guess the judge would say odor in the court, and the attorney would attempt to badger the witness. Of course the animals would be represented by humans they can't afford law school. Intelligent people; they said the Titanic was unsinkable, they sank the economy, and make jury duty a day at the zoo.
The court will recess for lunch. I'll have a ham sandwich in my chambers.
SIGN OF THE TIMES
After reading this poster I came to a number of conclusions. 1) The writer failed history. 2) They failed economics. 3) They failed common sense. According to the sign capitalism causes war. This implies Socialists, and Communists don't partake of such barbaric action. This dude needs to get to a library and read some history books. Fighting a war against dictators like Hitler is actually a good thing especially if you don't like the idea of being turned into a lampshade in Der Fuhrer's office. How about racism? Is it practiced by other nations or is it only as American as apple pie. In fact slavery existed since the beginning of time, but the last time I checked we had a minority black President, and at one point Herman Cain another African American had been running for the Presidency also. If we are racists we really suck at it. Finally there is poverty. According to the census bureau in 2010 the poverty rate was 15.1%, by all measures high, but still lower than most countries in the world. However the poor in our country don't compare to the poverty stricken in other nations. Our government provides welfare, food stamps, W.I.C, free medical care, free cell phones, and in the future free diapers. That's for all the cry babies who are full of shit!
Wall Street Bull
Before the Occupy Wall Street Movement tourists were occupying the bronze bull in Bowling Green. Some couples even kissed while they posed for photos under the bulls ass. Since it was the holidays those drunken revelers might have mistaken his balls for mistletoe. The reality is that after the bailouts of Wall Street it would be totally appropriate to have a picture of the ass that shit all over taxpayers. Remember the slogan "Merrill Lynch is bullish on America"? Sorry for the typo it should have been "Merrill Lynch bullshit on Americans".
Bulls and Wall Street, they both stink
Human Suppositories
Tighten that safety line or we will lose another one.
The economic downturn has caused many to seek employment outside their field of expertise. Wall Street workers are selling bibles door to door, and I.T. professionals are running taco stands. Some have stuck their head in the sand waiting for the worse to pass, and some have have stuck their head in an elephants ass to help it's stool to pass. Unfortunately the pay is low, but there's plenty of free gas and half digested peanuts.
Capitalist Pig
Occupy Wall Street is protesting that greedy corporate tycoons are responsible for the economic calamity we currently face. Metaphorically speaking they have skewered capitalists, and hung them over hot coals like uncle Bob's greasy baby back ribs. They must have forgotten that capitalism has enabled Americans to bring home the bacon in quantities that is the envy of every nation on the planet. Want proof? Look at how much food we waste every day, better yet look at our waistlines. It is true that many of our citizens are unemployed and under a lot of pressure, but nothing equals the pressure our denim jeans are subjected to. Day after day size 30 jeans are forced to contain size 36 waists. Not even the San Andreas fault endures that much pressure. Congress has suggested a move to a European style heavily regulated economy. I like to refer to it as the "Mediterranean Economic Diet". Not only will you have less money weighing you down you will have less food, and finally lose those last stubborn 45 lbs. you have been dying to get rid of. Socialism may be good some, but for the rest of us nothing matches the exquisite taste of the capitalist pig, the other white meat. Mmm Mmm Mmm good.
O.W.S. (Overabundant Waist Size) This person eats more than whole villages.
- @PolarCoug
Obama's second favorite bed linens. Egyptian Shiites2013/05/17 22:19 by web - @RCannon74
@ComradeArthur Render unto Caesar the things that are Caesars, and send the IRS a freaking salad.2013/05/17 22:27 by web - @BobG231
Now if we could only get Obamabots to work here.2013/05/17 22:12 by web - I've just been audited by the I.R.S. for conduct unbecoming a taxpayer. #RegisteredRepublican2013/05/17 15:54 by web
- Noah preached about a flood, and built an ark. Al Gore pontificated about rising sea levels and built an ocean view mansion. #Dumbass2013/05/17 15:58 by web
