Beef Blogonoff One bloggers beef with the entire universe, and has had enough of it!

Wear clean undies!

I am not one complain, but this is a very strange world we live in. The incident where a man had explosives in his underwear for instance. Question: Why does someone host a barbecue 30,000 feet in the air with smoked nuts and a roasted weiner? Answer: It's because the airlines cut back on meal service. Thanks to Richard Reid the sneaker bomber we have to take off our shoes at the airport so does that mean will we now have to remove our underwear? The TSA agents will assume that brown stain in your shorts is a explosive material, and will have to evacuate the airport. That's why your mom always told you to "wear clean undies".

Call the bomb squad we have a live one.

Aggravated Pimping

High end sex workers in Spain are refusing to service bankers. Apparently prostitutes also have a penalty for early withdrawals, but the reality is that they are mad that bankers won't extend lines of credit to cash strapped people. Of course the evil capitalists have come up with a devious solution, they just lie about their occupations. What else is new? Men have been lying, and paying for sex for centuries anyway. If you are really smart and in the banking business like the former chief of the International Money Fund Dominique Strauss Kahn you simply change jobs. France officially charged him with "aggravated pimping" so I guess he is now in the service industry. It certainly is better than the aggravating maid service he experienced at the Sofitel Hotel.

What do you mean you're not going to handcuff me to the bed?

Have you herd the news?

The Dept. of Labor has come up with new rules and regulations for herding goats and sheep. That's right, the U.S. has finally been returned to it's place of preeminence in the world. While others are developing sophisticated weapons, software programs, and electronics we are pioneering the field of goat herding, and only 2,000 years too late. The Dept. of Health will be issuing new guidelines for those who engage in intercourse with the herds as we already lead the world in sexual diseases. Some new public service billboards will feature slogans like, always have a condom with ewe, venereal disease is baaad, and don't tenderize the lamb till it's a chop. In the governments never ending love affair with regulations the newly formed Dept. of Camels and Tents enacted such strict rules Mohamar Ghadaffi was forced to take his tent down and move to a hotel.

I hope O'care covers anti-biotics

Beating Poverty

Every country has developed a program to help it's poor. Whether it's welfare, workfare, food stamps, or taxing rich people, they are all doomed to fail. People need to be empowered, to take matters into their own hands so to speak. That's where sperm donation comes in. California's Cryobank pays up to $100. per deposit. Just think of all the money you flushed down the toilet in your youth. Business has climaxed 20% in this current recession, and even Bill Clinton secretly signed up. When it became public knowledge he claimed "I did not have sexual relations with that hand". Don't be an idiot working the dull 9 to 5, sperm donors are beating poverty one jerk at a time.

No penalty for early deposits

Ramping up the deficit

Where else but in San Francisco could the local government spend $699,413. on a ten foot ramp for wheelchair accessibility? Board President David Chiu defended the project and said the cost is "significantly" lower than the 1.1 million dollar original plan*. WTF that's over 100k a foot. I thought the defense department spending $640. on a toilet seat was bad, but if our service men and women are going to put their ass on the line the least they deserve is a good seat.

I hope that croc is wheelchair accessible.

*http://www.sfgate.com/cgibin/article.cgif=/c/a/2011/08/29/BA7I1KMRO0.DTL