The 10 Commandments for Atheists
Penn Jillette of Penn and Teller fame has a new book called "God, No" on the N.Y. Times bestseller list, and a very popular article in USA today where he lists his 10 commandments for atheists. Let's look at 5 of them in depth, and compare them to what the bible says.
1) "The highest ideals are human intelligence, creativity and love. Respect them above all". Intelligence and creativity can lead to wonderful things, but it can also create biological weapons, and atomic bombs. Wisdom is more important than intelligence, and the bible claims wisdom is from God only. Whether you agree or disagree with that statement we can certainly agree very few people can be considered wise, while many can be considered intelligent. Love is an abstract idea meaning different things to different people. When the bible says "love your neighbor as yourself" it helps to narrow down the definition.
2) "Do not put things or even ideas above human beings". If this is true than how can an atheist support abortion? A fetus is genetically classified as human. What about breaking the law? When men are above the idea of the rule of law we witness terrible atrocities, and are subjected to tyrants like Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini, etc. Humans must be subjected to and under the laws of our nation, it is what separates us from savages.
3) "Say what you mean, even when talking to yourself". This would be equivalent of do not lie. The bible says "do not bear false witness", which implies a trial and the fact your words are recorded and if found to be false result in judgement. Without severe consequences "do not lie" is meaningless.
4) "Put aside some time to rest and think". Compare this to the biblical equivalent. Six days thou shalt labor and do all thy work, but the seventh day is the Sabbath. Time to rest and think is the reward for those who labor. Too many people sit around all week resting. Idol hands are the devil's playthings, and people who do not work are statistically more likely to commit crime.
5) "Be there for your family, love your parents, your partner and your children". I could say I'm putting my parents in a nursing home because I love them, or I'm molesting my child because I love them. The only place true love is defined is the bible. For example: "Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. Love does not delight in evil, It does not dishonor others, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres". Notice that the majority of the text says what love is not, or does not. This indicates most people have a false understanding of love. Dictionaries frequently define love as a noun meaning tender passionate affection, warm personal attraction, or sexual passion and desire. Love in the bible is a verb requiring positive and negative action that is eternal in nature. So what about those who claim to follow the Judeo-Christian tradition, and commit evil? Clearly they are not following God or his commandments and the blame falls solely on themselves. The remaining 5 commandments are don't kill, keep your promises, don't steal, don't lie, and don't waste time. These we can agree with, and do not need to examine any closer. The biggest problem with this list is who has the authority to issue these commandments? Penn Jillette certainly doesn't. Government can issue laws because they have the authority, and are able to prosecute and execute sentence for the offenders. This is why the bible says "I am the Lord your God" and establishes his authority as creator and judge of all men before he lists his commandments. Atheists would like to believe they can build a better world, but as we can see their foundation is weak, flawed, and opened to many interpretations. It is like building a house on the sand, and when the storm comes it washes it away.
Where’s Roscoe?
In ancient Rome there was one word that caused widespread panic, and that word was "leper". Today New Yorker's shriek in horror when they hear the word "bedbugs". Although those stricken with bedbugs don't lose fingers or toes they are certainly bound to lose friends. Lately it has become such an epidemic that Victoria's Secret, Abercrombie and Fitch, and Time Warner have had to call for exterminators. Thankfully we have Roscoe the bed bug sniffing canine from Bell Environmental. He has saved thousands from the torture of being eaten alive while they sleep, and his heroic efforts where even showcased on Animal Planet. I used to think dogs were flea bitten, tick infested, mite harboring, disease ridden hairbags, but now I apply that adage to the 99%. Like they say if you lie down with the occupiers you wake up with lice.
My owner has fleas.
No fan of windmills
I thought windmills went out with those Dutch dudes who danced around in wooden clogs. Well there are a lot of wooden headed dummies that think the windmill is the messiah of planet earth. Unfortunately their spinning blades interfere with radar. You know, the thing that keeps our planes from crashing, and tells us if nuclear missiles are headed our way. Talk about global warming, one atomic detonation raises the temperature at ground zero to over 1000 degrees centigrade! The biggest problem is that the rare earth element neodymium is used for the magnet. 90% of rare earth elements for wind turbines and solar panels come from China and mining them are a toxic waste nightmare. Sleep well knowing you are saving the planet, well at least your part of the planet.
Rare earth mining in Baotou, China. Can't you just smell the fresh air, and taste the clean water?
Amphibious Ambitions
Gordon Gekko of Wall Street fame will be managing Newt Gingrich's Presidential run, and the campaign slogan is "Iguana be President" . If elected he will be the first Salamander in Chief, however he will not be the first President to speak with a fork tongue.
Those flies were delicious!
Black Death Friday
It's hard to believe that people act like animals when there is a good bargain to be had. Last year a Walmart employee was trampled to death by a stampeding crowd, and this year the herds are running wild again. You really can't blame the dumb animals in the picture on the right since a pride of lions are are trying to disembowel them while they are still alive. As for the humans on the left, well they'd just die if they didn't get a bargain. Evolution in action.
Occupy Wall Stripped
The sad fact is that the 99% complain they don't have jobs because of Wall Street, and apparently they can't afford clothes either. I believe it is a constitutional right to have clothes, otherwise how will we protect them from unlawful search and seizure. While it's true the police may have pepper sprayed some of the protesters I certainly would have handled these two in a more dignified, and delicate manner. Preferably in handcuffs in a holding cell, but just because these boobs have been stripped of their clothes doesn't mean they should be stripped of their rights.
Freedom of the press is great, but freedom of the breasts is a right worth dying for.
Jumping Butterballs!
I just found out that every whole turkey processed by Butterball is certified Halal*. Halal is the Islamic practice of slaughtering animals by cutting the trachea, esophagus, and jugular vein then draining the blood. While the animal is writhing and choking the words "Bismillah Allahu Akbar"are spoken over it. I seem to remember that suicide bombers say a similar thing while slaughtering humans. That means to radical Muslims we are like turkeys, and our death is the equivalent of a Thanksgiving. Well I hope they get salmonella poisoning, and choke to death on the neck bone. Have a Happy Thanksgiving!
How would you like to eat lead for Thanksgiving?
* http://www.americanthinker.com/2011/11/happy_halal_thanksgiving.html
Eat your Pizzables
Did you know that pizza grows in the ground and is harvested by farmers? Well while the Stupor Committee was a complete failure at least the dirtbags in Washington have been able to agree that tomato paste counts as a vegetable. So the pizza you eat can be credited as a serving of veggies, as long as it is not a white pizza. I seem to remember that our economy is teetering on collapse, and all these guys think about is food. I propose that our representatives are in a permanent vegetative state, and should be fed to the dog like the vegetables we hated as kids.
How about a Frank, Barney that is.
Window treatments
They say the eyes are the window to the soul, and some have determined to keep you from peeking inside. So it is that Saudi women who have attractive eyes may soon be forced to cover them up. I can't wait for sharia law to come here as I certainly wouldn't mind seeing some obnoxious actresses walking blindly in rush hour traffic. If this rule is adopted Saudi women will be completely be covered except for their feet. At some point the leaders may decide that their feet are too attractive, and will require they be covered too. Boy it has to be murder wearing black socks in the desert. If stoning is the punishment for adultery what is the necessity for all these other rules? Why don't they just reinstate a modern, sanitary version of the Medieval chastity belt. It protects against fornication, and could save someones life. After all the eyes may be the window to the soul, but the thighs are the window to the hole.
I recommend Levelor blinds with a floral valence.
Obsceneistan
Pakistan has published a list of words that will be forbidden in text messages because they are considered to be "obscene". Here is a sample:
Monkey crotch: For the life of me I can't figure why anyone would use this in a message unless they were at the zoo, and observing the masturbation habits of Macaques.
Head lights: This might be considered obscene because the slang form of the word means breasts. So how can the Pakistani Police issue a ticket when a vehicle's head light is broken if the word is forbidden? If you have a new vehicle with a car bra to protect it you could probably get stoned for having a bra and head lights.
Back door: Again this word is the slang expression for the anus, so it could be embarrassing if your front door is being fixed and you ask the local cleric to enter by the back door.
Hole: Sure it has a possible sexual connotations, but what if you fall into one in the middle of the desert, and can't text for help?
Taxi: If the word is banned then how the hell do you hail one? Apparently in Pakistan this word also means prostitute. I knew her meter was running too fast.
Fart: It's interesting that the country of Malawi tried to ban farts altogether. I guess the Paki's realized that was ridiculous so they tried to ban the word. The word may be gone, but the stink still lingers.
Jesus: Of course Jesus would be obscene. He advocates peace, and love, and hates evil. I could see where this makes perfect sense. To them anyway.
Next time text cab instead of taxi. They're beating the crap out of me!
- @ChuckNellis
@GOPLeader @SpeakerBoehner @tedcruz The IRS and KGB are different acronyms with same purpose. Resist the Borg.2013/05/20 20:06 by web - @allbayedup
I'm still trying to catch the Inter-Continental railroad. It must be leaving from the 57th state.2013/05/20 19:32 by web - @notyourkimmy
Just kidding, but he did have butt plugs instead of hair plugs implanted in his skull. That's why he needs a new asshat.2013/05/20 19:47 by web - @WeirdReport
P.C. assigns certain words as racist, sexist, and coded. Chris Matthews has a compiled a list formerly known as a dictionary.2013/05/20 19:48 by web - @jphawkins2009
@RightWingArt Trust is a two way street, except in Obamaville where it's a dead end.2013/05/20 19:50 by web
